you have not experienced true panic until you come face to face with an overflowing toilet
at a friend’s house
During a fancy party.
And that’s the only bathroom.
And there’s a line.
what depths of hell did you guys spawn from
And they have no plunger anywhere
And you are on your period
I think the most important thing in life is self-love, because if you don’t have self-love, and respect for everything about your own body, your own soul, your own capsule, then how can you have an authentic relationship with anyone else?
do you ever realize that we spend our days hoping imaginary people will kiss each other
i left my pajamas at home but my grandma said she had something i could wear and then she brought back this
oh my god
*knocks you out with a calculator* bet you weren’t counting on that
In order to become the supreme adult, you must perform the seven wonders:
- Public speaking
- Not being afraid of teenagers
- Calling the doctor yourself
- Arguing without crying
- Having a normal sleep pattern
- Having an answer to the question ‘what do you want to do with your life?’
you don’t call the doctor. the doctor randomly finds you in the streets of London.
who the heck is running Denny’s tumblr
This is literally going to be most of our generation in 15 years.
AHAHAHAHHAHAA THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING
this is really cute
just made me think of this
oh my god the best
a girl told me that i dont have a boyfriend because im “a slut” and “guys dont like sluts” which is funny because i thought i didnt have one because im gay
a grandmother, a mother, and a daughter walk into a bar. she orders one drink
oh I get it the joke here is that they’re all the same person. she has multiple relationships to members of her family. thanks for this great post officialunitedstates
no problem I’m glad you liked it
shout out to water for keeping my throat sufficiently lubricated for optimal yodeling techniques
That literally got weirder and weirder with every word
This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.
The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”
The first paragraph starts like this:“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”
my own hair is fine
oh my god where can i buy this